Chemo Treatment #4

Jana makes cancer and chemotherapy look like fun. More than one person has said that, including me. I try to occasionally include one of the few pictures of her grimacing, but for the most part her response to the camera is a smile. Rarely a complaint, she plans our visits, which are centered around her chemo treatments, as though we’re taking one of our Santa Fe family vacations. And, surprisingly, they feel like a family vacation...a bit of travel (which is becoming very familiar), a beautiful setting (I take back every nasty thing I’ve ever said about SoCal – West LA, that is), non-stop talking and laughter, and good eats.

Sadly, duty called and Lauren wasn’t able to attend Jana's fourth chemo treatment this past week (see my earlier reprint of her blog post, "The Worst Effing Day," Thoughts of a Bookworm at Home), but Raelin spent the day and evening with us. Jana's previous chemo treatment was met with a cranky nurse, who refused to begin her treatment until we all (but one) left the room. This time, we decided to try a different tactic and quietly slipped in unnoticed. It turned out that wasn’t necessary as the room with a view was not busy and we lucked out with a sweet and agreeable nurse. She had no problem with us squeezing into Jana’s space and seemed to enjoy our lively chatter and laughter, which is quite a contrast to her typical day treating cancer patients.

In some respects, the treatments and week that follows have gotten easier for Jana as she's worked closely with her “Side Effects Nurse” to control the symptoms. They have tweaked the meds and seem to have achieved a balance that is about as good as it’s going to get. This time she forwent the Benadryl, which is used to minimize allergic reactions to the other drugs, and she remained alert and well throughout the process (about six hours). She felt so well after the treatment that she suggested we spend some time exploring Santa Monica.

We walked 3^rd Street Promenade with its shops, street vendors and musicians and then walked a few blocks further to the Pier, where we sat in the shade and enjoyed a perfect day. The four of us went to dinner at Wurstkuche (a favorite from our last trip) and then returned to her cute little cottage for more talking (the Mosers never seem to run out of things to say), and cake. Raelin surprised me with my own personal-sized birthday cake (carrot) and a small chocolate cake for the three chocolate-lovers. It was after 9 p.m. before we called it an evening and Rae left for home and we went to the Doubletree where we were staying.

I know I’m biased, but we have an amazing family and a day doesn’t go by that I don’t feel appreciative of each of our children. The SoCal girls have cooked and filled Jana’s freezer with good eats for those days she’s too sick or too tired to cook, Scott flew down from Seattle to spend a weekend with Jana, Jeff has used his Hilton points to pay for our stays at the Doubletree in Culver City, and Maria has paid for Lauren’s trips from Portland to LA to be with her sissy through chemo and finally her surgery in May. With the exception of this recent trip, Lauren has attended the other treatments and stayed through the weekends to take care of Jana, do her laundry, and clean her house and she will be spending a week caring for her after surgery. It's been so heartwarming for us to experience their generosity and support over the past few months. What great kids! What a great family!

Did I mention it was my birthday? Thursday after chemo was actually our second celebration. When we arrived on Wednesday night, I was met with an enormous bouquet of flowers and dinner at Bucato (my choice), where we enjoyed a delicious meal and one of their signature desserts, Tiramisu (complete with a candle). It was almost perfect. The only thing missing was our little Lauren, but she assures me we'll have another wonderful celebration when we make our next trip to Portland. Until then, she's holding my birthday gift hostage. Sneaky girl!

The Worst Effing Day (Thoughts of a Bookworm at Home)

From Lauren Moser's blog, Thoughts of a Bookworm at Home...I love Lauren's poems and her blog posts, in general. In case you don't follow her blog, here's her most recent post, called "The Worst Effing Day".

What I now say won't sound fun and happy,
I just don't have that in me, this day is too crappy.
Last night was just awful, a night truly dour,
It made my mood both salty and sour.
But I thought for sure that today would be better,
A night of good sleep and I'd be unfettered.
But I woke up this morning feeling quite blue,
As if the world had instead said, "Lauren, f*** you."
Being a good sport, I was still willing to smile,
And hope it would improve in a small while.
But that didn't happen. Oh no, not at all,
Instead even worse was soon to befall.
Just hit after hit keeps coming my way,
Leading me to believe that this is the worst effing day.


In order of appearance...

1. A special showing of my favorite movie Labyrinth was occuring at OMSI (Oregon Museum of Science and Industry) with a special 30 minute lecture beforehand by Toby Froud who played baby Toby in the movie, is a puppeteer himself and is the son of Brian Froud who designed all the creatures for Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal for Jim Hensen. Basically, the man is the son of genius. I even have a signed print by Brian Froud hanging up in my house. So I really wanted to go to this. I've been to most of the other movies in the Reel Science series OMSI puts on (Jaws, Jurassic Park, The Princess Bride, etc.) and while many were full, none sold out. Well, this was the one that sold out and I was turned away at the counter despite arriving very early. Hit one.
2. I arrived home after being turned away to find a letter from the Portland City Attorney's office addressed to "Laura Moser" (ummmm...hello? My name is Lauren) regretfully informing me that they have hired someone else for the job that I really, really wanted. Total bummer. Hit two.
3. That day I was supposed to have traveled down to SoCal to spend time with my family during my big sister's fourth chemo treatment and for my mother's birthday, but work kept me in Portland. Hit three.
4. The next morning I woke up and went to work. Hit four. (Work is always counted as a hit.)
5. My favorite author, Terry Pratchett, died today. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease several years ago and kept writing despite his illness, even releasing a book just last year. He died from natural causes associated with the disease. I first discovered Terry Pratchett sometime in college on a whim. My friend Mallory and I watched a movie that had this amazing preview for a strange looking film called Hogfather. We both thought it looked incredible and tried to find it at our local movie rental store (Elephant Pharmacy - this was Berkeley, CA after all) to no avail. Well, a year or so later I was randomly perusing the science fiction aisle at Borders (another fallen hero) when I came across a title that was instantly familiar to me...Hogfather by Terry Pratchett.Why, it was a book first! I thought to myself. I immediately bought the book and and was hooked from that point on. I now own almost every Discworld novel in hardback and have read them multiple times. His books are funny, satirical, biting, insightful, and thought provoking. I cannot believe that he is gone and will never write again. It's amazing how attached we grow to people that we have tangible connection to. I obviously never met Terry Pratchett, but I always felt like I knew him. He was a friend who transported me to this amazing realm and introduced me to some of my most beloved characters. When I need something to just pass the time, to give me a laugh, or improve my mood, I reach for anything written by Terry Pratchett. And now that he's gone it feels as though I've lost a close friend. Hit five.
6. I wasn't with my sister during her fourth chemo treatment. Hit six.
7. One of my best friends at my current job is leaving for her next position at a downtown Portland civil litigation firm. She is ready and eager for this new job and I know she will be absolutely amazing. And she's still going to be close enough for us to meet up for lunch and fun after work. But it won't be the same. We won't be able to instant message each other during the day any more and I won't be able to run up the two flights of stairs to her Courtroom to just hang out when we both have free time. I'm really happy for her and so excited at this opportunity, but I'm also sad. Hit seven.

I'm now trying to come to terms with all of this. I allowed myself today to wallow, be a general grump, and embrace a woe-is-me attitude. Tomorrow though I will buck up and get over it. On to bigger and better things. Look out, world! 'Cause I will not let this stand. 

A Delivery System for Jam

It’s always fun to try something new. Last week I was browsing one of my cookbooks (Blue Chair Cooks, a companion book to Blue Chair Jam) and found an interesting recipe for making English muffins. That same day we received our new Fine Cooking magazine and it featured a recipe for English muffins. I took this quinky-dink as a “sign” and “Make English Muffins” went on our weekly list (actually, Verne’s list) of projects.  The process was similar to making our favorite no-knead pizza dough. The basic bread ingredients were mixed and then left to rest on the counter for 12-16 hours. The next morning, Verne rolled the dough, cut the muffins with a 3-1/2" cooking cutter, and baked as follows: placed on a griddle over low-medium heat to brown for 3-4 minutes per side and then into the oven to finish for about 8-10 minutes. The muffins were removed and fork-separated (rather than trying to slice them with a knife, the tines of the fork are inserted around the circumference of the muffin leaving the center in tact). When ready to eat, they are further separated and toasted, buttered, and of course topped with a generous slathering of my homemade jam. For a first try, they were excellent and are without a doubt the perfect delivery system for my jam!

Speaking of my jam, it’s been a while since I’ve said much about it. Don’t get the idea my obsession with jam making has waned. During the off season (now), I spend my time reading jam books (15+ and growing), making the occasional batch of jam using fresh-frozen fruit, teaching MFP classes (three so far this year), and planning my jam making for the new year. I’m just like a gardener who spends the winter months browsing seed catalogs, planning the garden, and anxiously anticipating the first sign of spring…I browse recipe books, magazines and the Internet for inspiration, plan my ("our", I don't jam without my trusty assistant) summer jamming, while I anxiously anticipate the first sign of April strawberries.

Yes, I did indicate above that I’ve made a few batches of jam from frozen fruit over the past few months.  In January, a fellow MFPer asked if I had a recipe for peach marmalade. I thought the question absurd, as everyone knows marmalades are pure citrus, and I was quick to tell her. Wrong! (I’ll get to that in a moment.) Shortly after that, I was again browsing my cook books and came across a recipe for Peach Marmalade. Imagine my surprise (and embarrassment). I contacted my friend regarding the recipe and she asked if I’d make it with her. She furnished the peaches and citrus and I provided the sugar and a couple of afternoons. The recipe called for a pound of lemons and three pounds of peaches. Gail’s home-grown peaches were frozen from last summer. They were a beautiful orange-red color and tree-ripened sweet. Our jamming session went well and she went home with eight half-pints of jam (I kept three jars and a three-pound bag of her frozen peaches). The following week I made a second batch of Peach Marmalade and it turned out equally delicious. In fact, it’s so good I think it might be a jam worthy of entering in the 2015 Amador County Fair (I’m getting a lot of pressure from the family to participate in the Fair).

Okay, back to my faux pas…here’s what I’ve learned about marmalade. The term is thought to have come from the Portuguese word “marmelo” or “marmelada” and was first used centuries ago to describe one of the earliest preserves, a sweet paste made from quince fruit and honey. In many languages, variations of the word marmalade refer to fruit preserves in general and of varying types, not strictly citrus. The English, however, adopted the word “jam” as a generic term for different preserves and narrowed the definition of marmalade to be jam made from predominantly citrus fruits and their peels. Interesting...whatever we call it, marmalade by any other name would be just as sweet!

  

The Mid-Point

We're home from our third whirlwind trip to SoCal and Jana is officially half way through her chemotherapy. The cancer news this past few weeks has been good as Jana’s oncologist excitedly noted a significant reduction in the size of the tumor. Her physical examination will be followed by an ultrasound sometime before the next chemo treatment on March 12^th. This trip began much like the last one arriving Wednesday afternoon and spending a wonderful evening with the family talking, laughing, and of course, eating (our favorite form of entertainment).

Jana planned a casual dinner for us at Wurstkuche, a hotdog place (according to Jana) in Venice Beach. Wurstkuche, a purveyor of exotic grilled sausages (according to the menu), is certainly not your typical “hotdog” place (think Der Wienerschnitzel)…there is nothing ordinary about it. They serve over twenty different kinds of sausages, including a few classics (Bratwurst, Hot Italian, Vegetarian Mexican Chipotle…these don’t sound very classic to me), several gourmet (Mango Jalapeno, Filipino Maharlika, Austin Blues), and about eight exotics (Rattlesnake & Rabbit with Jalapeno Peppers, Pheasant with herbs de Provence). I’ve only named a few. The other choices are equally unique. Besides sausages, they serve Belgian Fries and Belgian and German beers. That’s it! If you want a burger, you’ve come to the wrong place. We all played it safe and stuck with a classic dog topped with caramelized onions and sauerkraut (Jana chose sweet and spicy peppers for her vegetarian dog). We loved the place and will definitely be returning. I’m hoping to muster up courage to try one of the exotics…maybe Duck & Bacon with Jalapeno Peppers or Buffalo, Beef & Pork with Chipotle Peppers. I think I’ll avoid the rattlesnake. I’ve included a few pictures from our evening.

While Verne and Lauren are looking pretty sweet in the picture, I assure you they were being very, very naughty. Each table included about five quart-size containers of different mustards with bands around the top to differentiate them. You guessed it…they decided to switch the bands.

Raelin made the two-hour drive from her home in Fontana to spend Thursday with Jana (and the rest of us). We drove together to the Santa Monica Oncology Center and were pleased to find that Jana was scheduled for the room with an ocean view. We chose a spacious end cubicle and all piled in (as we had the past two treatments) and were promptly met by a cranky nurse who refused to begin Jana’s treatment until we left. All but one, that is. She pointed out to us that there was one guest chair and the rest of us would have to stay in the waiting room. To make a long story short...we protested, but to no avail and we finally retreated to a private little nook on the first floor. The treatment was more difficult for Jana than the previous ones and she slept through much of it, so it all worked out for the best as she was able to rest and we got to catch up with Raelin. This picture was taken before we were thrown out!

On the way home from the treatment, we stopped by RiteAid to pick up a couple of meds for Jana. The girls began sharing memories of living in Campbell, Verne as Mr. Mom, and Thrifty ice cream cones after school. Before long we were all sitting in the sun and enjoying a Thrifty cone while we waited for the prescriptions to be filled. The happy stories (to hear the girls talk, some of their best childhood memories are from the three years Verne spent as Mr. Mom…what does that say about me?) and ice cream were just what Jana needed. 

Three down, three to go!

Second Chemo Trip

We made our second trip to SoCal last week to accompany Jana to her chemo treatment. Scott flew down from Seattle to join us and spend the weekend. It’s been Jana’s choice that we spend Wednesday through Friday with her and then leave before the going gets tough. She’s at her peak (that term is relative, as even on her best days she is far from feeling normal) those three days and then the waves of sickness return sometime on Saturday. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to help her through that following week and she prefers to be alone.

Our time together with the three kids (Lauren also flew down from Portland to be with Jana) was incredible…so good to see Scott and I loved seeing  “the Mexico Fishing Team” together. Here’s a picture from their most recent trip last fall and shows the marlin they teamed up to catch. Normally, it would have been released, but, sadly, the three-hour fight did it in. The meat was shared with the boat captain and Scott had the rest smoked.

Jana was tired Thursday afternoon, but managed to muster strength to plant several new herbs and succulents she got on the way home from her treatment. She has a green thumb and loves to “work in her garden.” She reminds me of me when I lived in SoCal and spent hours propagating and tending my plants and was active in the local garden club. Living in the foothills with deer, turkey, and other plant-predators, I have given up all hopes of growing anything beyond rosemary and lavender or the occasional hanging basket of flowering plants. 

Thursday evening, we went to our favorite restaurant, Musha, and were seated in their private room where we removed our shoes upon entering and sat on the floor. What fun! As usual, the food was amazing and we ordered no less than a dozen courses finishing with their green tea ice cream. Scott entertained us with his travel stories, a favorite (of ours) being his story of a day and night spent in Japan wearing only a bathrobe, actually a kimono, beginning with a sauna and an elaborate dinner and ending being escorted by his Japanese client from one karaoke bar to another until the wee hours of the morning. Scott’s a seasoned world traveler and his stories of these foreign adventures kept us laughing, but it was his understanding and acceptance of other peoples’ customs, traditions, and general ways of life that made me proud. Verne and I have never left the states and while we are open-minded to ways and beliefs that differ from our own, Scott is experiencing it first hand. While he’s a great storyteller and has a wonderful sense of humor, he is always respectful and appreciative of these people and their cultures that are so different from our own.  

The following morning we all gathered at Bar 9 across from Jana’s cottage and enjoyed one of their delicious breakfasts…actually, there are only two to choose from: bacon and avocado drizzled with a vinaigrette on multigrain toast (Yum!) or a breakfast sandwich of bacon, chard, and a over-easy egg (double Yum!). Friday afternoon Scott attended a coin show in Long Beach and Lauren met up with her girlfriends and former roommates from Berkeley. It just happened that one of her friends was spending a two-day layover on her trip from Australia (where she lives) to New York to visit her father. The other two girls live in L.A. It had been ten years since the four of them first met at the dorms in Berkeley, became fast friends and later lived in a multi-room house on MLK until they all graduated.

This was an especially short trip as we had a commitment on Saturday mid-day and had to drive back to Volcano on Friday afternoon. But, three short weeks and we’ll be making the trip again and Jana will be at the mid-point of her chemotherapy! Lauren has set up a blog on a non-profit website called www.caringbridge.org, which includes all of her email “Jana updates” she’s sent over the past few months. If you are interested, let Lauren know at laurrae@gmail.com and she’ll either add you to the email list or send you an invite or go directly to www.caringbridge.org for Jana Moser. Love to all and thank you for your continued support of Jana and the family.

A Life-Changer

Typically, every January 1^st I review my prior year’s list of goals and mark off those I’ve accomplished and add to the list my new goals for the new year. I’ve been doing this for at least 30+ years. I never expect to complete everything, but figure I accomplish far more by having the list than not. This year was different. There was no list, just the dread of 2015.

Most of you already know that our daughter, Jana, was diagnosed with breast cancer in late November. It took me a week before I could say those words without crying. If it wasn’t believable then, it is now. We’ve been with Jana on her initial visits to both the City of Hope and UCLA and a follow-up visit to UCLA where she is receiving her treatment. A couple of weeks ago we spent the day with her as she received her first chemotherapy treatment and we’ll be returning to LA next week to accompany her to her second chemo treatment. We talk to her several times a day (as we always have) and, although not wanting to worry us, she shares some of what she’s experiencing: migraine headaches (a rare side effect experienced mostly by young women with cancer), blurred vision (also associated with younger patients), nausea, and most recently, hair loss.

Through this devastating experience to date, Jana’s strength and her wonderful sense of humor (she considers a handicapped sticker for her car one of the benefits of having cancer) have shone. Her concerns have been more for her immediate family (Lauren, Verne, and me) than herself. That same tenacious spirit she showed at law school and more recently with her career are present once more…she will be a cancer survivor! I’ve included the following pictures, because they seem to say it all: this past weekend when her hair began to fall out, she and her friends, Nicole and Jashwal, tried out a few new hairdo’s. The experience was not without tears; according to Jana, there was just a “little” crying.

I continue to be hopeful that at some point in the future we’ll look back on this experience and find something good and positive that has come from it. For now, we’re just trying to cope with this life-changing event with lots of love, laughter, and good times together (according to Jana, another benefit of having cancer is seeing her parents more often).

Martin Luther King Jr. Day

From Lauren Moser's blog, Thoughts of a Bookworm at Home...I love all of my daughter's blogs, but I found this one in particular to be very special and appropriate for today.

Monday is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, more commonly known as MLK Day. I must admit that I fall into the category of most Americans who often think of a holiday as merely a fun day off work. The actual meaning of the day is lost somewhere in the excitement of a three-day weekend  or an unexpected break in the middle of a work week. The big holidays are easy to remember and celebrate because we, as a people, have created some sort of spectacle that goes along with them. Fireworks on the 4th of July (Independence Day), carols and trees at Christmas, shopping turkey at Thanksgiving. I hear the reminders to thank our veterans on Veteran's Day and to think of laborers on Labor's Day...actually, I have no idea what we're really celebrating on Labor's Day (although wikipedia tells me I'm right), which just goes to show my point...but I rarely stop to truly consider what the holiday means and I usually just pass by those reminders with a nod and a thought of "oh yeah, I should do that." Some holidays are universally acknowledged, but not universally understood or truly celebrated. Their meaning is lost because we don't attach some sort of visual or event to that day. It's just an extra day off work and that seems to be enough. But should it be? Shouldn't we take the time to remember why we celebrate these days? What was so important and meaningful to our country that our nation decided to declare this day a national holiday, a day everyone would be free to celebrate? Well, Monday is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a day to celebrate an amazing man in American history. A man who fought for equality and rights for all. I think that is something worth remembering. Monday is more than just the third day in a long weekend. Monday is a day to remember a man who helped lead a movement that brought truth to the words stated in our Declaration of Independence, that all men are created equal.

A holiday is coming up, it's time to celebrate.
Some time off work, put up your feet, but there's more, just wait.
Think about what this day really means to us,
Freedom, civil liberties, and a world a tad more just.
We must reflect on our lives today and how we can improve,
To get closer to The Dream, it just may behoove
Us all to work on the way we treat the people around,
Regardless of race, religion or creed, or where they can be found.
So let us celebrate Dr. King in the proper way,
And reduce our prejudice a little more each day. 

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day, everyone.